CRAZY STORIES TO ENJOY:
Click these links for stories:
"Hamsters for Christ" | Broken Leg Syndrome | 3 guys escape death!
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PRAYER MAN SAYS: "HEY DUDE,
DID YOU PRAY TODAY?"
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CRAZY STORIES TO ENJOY: Click these links for stories: "Hamsters for Christ" | Broken Leg Syndrome | 3 guys escape death! |
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Is it REALLY GOD'S WILL you want?
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Your art could be here! Email it to: Shebuah@aol.com |
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HAMSTERS FOR CHRIST |
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It all started that day at the pool. We decided collectively that we needed to get out of the house. Bigtime. And that was that. So Robin, a 24-year-old alcoholic guitar player from Germany, Isaac, a 23-year-old psychotic smoker from England and I, a manic depressive, ended up at the gym. We hopped enthusiastically from the freezing pool into the boiling Jacuzzi and back, in hopes that we could cop a natural buzz off the endorphins somebody said that ritual would release. Right. After about 25 sessions of this dubious behavior, the baser instincts took over & we decided to go. We were hungry. On the way home I spotted the pet shop that carried ferrets, and since Robin didn’t know what a ferret was, I had to show him. Ferrets are the bomb. The only problem is, they cost $120.00 and smell like ....hmmm. That’s ok. I’ll spare you. Anyway, Isaac got sick of watching ..uh, smelling the little beasts, and started exploring. "Wow, look at this little guy!" Isaac exclaimed from across the way. "That is just the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen!" Alarm bells went off in my head, and I reluctantly tore myself away from the sight of my sleeping Ferret. Something else was cuter than my ferret? I doubted that. But Lo and Behold, there he was. Unknown to Robin and myself, we were gazing into the eyes of our future son. We both lit up, watching the object of our affection obsess on the concept of escape. All of the other miniature hamsters were asleep, but not this guy. Willing to do anything in his power change his situation, he launched himself at the glass as we stared in amazement. He was standing up on his hind legs making faces at us, trying to get our attention! Buried in a ball of fur, all we could see were his two tiny paws sticking out front and his sweet little eyes. He proceeded to dash around stepping on other hamsters. One was dead. All the rest seemed peeved, trying to sleep. But not our Junior. He was literally climbing the walls and cruising around that glass encasement on a mission. "Check it out, he’s the only one intelligent enough to realize he’s in captivity!" Robin noticed. "Like us." I added metaphorically. "Yeah." "He’s a little explorer...like Louis and Clark or something!" I mused. After disturbing the peace of the entire pet shop with our raucous laughter, we turned to leave. But remorse settled in. The image of his adorable little face squashed up against the glass, straining to focus on us burned into our minds. |
Godly conviction took over. What if he tried to injure himself or others? After all, hamsters are people too- they’re susceptible to depression- ...and we are missionaries dedicated to bringing the Love of Jesus to all. "Go ye into all the world and preach the Gospel to every creature..." (Mark 16:15) and this creature was obviously a drop out. He needed us. Since Isaac felt that we were unfit parents for "Little X" as we named him, he opted out. But I suspect it was really cause he was broke. He tried to discourage the purchase, pointing out the need for water bottles, food, a proper cage, toys, hamster treats and more. "What?" Robin blurted. "What else does he need, a cosmetic bag?" "He’s not getting any treats!" I scoffed. "How about those little balls they run around in..." "Forget that, he can live in my sleeve." I barked. A couple normal pet buyers shot us alarmed glances. "Can we bring it back if it starts biting us?" I asked the skeptical hamster lady. "Uhh..." Before she could respond, Robin chuckled, "Or if it dies?" At this point, the lady, (we’ll call her Vern to protect her identity) almost fainted, silently wondering if this was an acceptable sale. We, on the other hand, were good and determined to rescue poor Little X from the corrupt system. "If we have to give that chick my shoes, we’re getting ‘im." Robin declared. "If you give her your shoes, she’ll probably faint, and then we can get him free." I retorted. As we approached the cashier, Little X was crawling up my neck. "Is that your hamster?" the cashier asked. "No, but look at the box!" I blurted. Robin nodded innocently. It was all torn out one side as a result of my eagerness to hold him. "He did that, so I had to grab him. Holding in my laughter almost killed me, and my face was red. "Maybe he needs Prozac. Look at him, he’s like a 70’s hamster or something." I giggled, ignoring the strange glances we were drawing from the clerks. Vern shot an amazed glance my way and said seriously, "I think that would kill him." "Hmm." "Well, we could always pray over him and lay hands on him and stuff." Robin offered. For real, he was a high strung hamster. After a 20 minute philosophical argument on the way home over nature or nurture, God or Doctors, we decided to search the word on the subject. It turned out all he needed was a little "wine for his stomach’s sake and his often infirmities," (1st Timothy 5:26) which we found out after having communion with the rodent. Now that he was officially our son and a new member of the home, we baptized him in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, and initiated Little X as a "Babe". He’s now a true, saved believer, another fighter in God’s Endtime Army. PTL! (Praise the Lord) GBAKHITLS!* (God Bless and Keep him in the Lord’s Service) Although he can’t yet date, vote or read the prophecies, he’s adjusting well. He knows that "we LOOOOVE him" - and most importantly, JEEEESUS loves him. Halleluuuujah! Please pray that we make the right decisions in raising him for the Lord’s service. Stay tuned for next month’s report on Little X, the first disciple in our new revolutionary ministry Hamsters for Christ." NEXT MONTH’S REPORT: Back to Top We sadly inform you that last week at 11:00 a.m. "Hamsters 4 Christ" ended tragically. Little X’s cage was infiltrated by the family cat. Please keep him in your prayers. (Little X, not the cat!)
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THANKFUL FOR A BROKEN LEG???!! SURE! March 13, 2002 Sunlight drifts through slats in the blinds creating a striped pattern across the hospital pillows and hardwood floor of my room. It’s been just over a month since the terrible accident. The purple and red bruises that covered my leg all but faded away, and the pain is now bearable. I reflect, for a moment, on some of the mental transformations that a month in bed so graciously gave me. Before pressing the "power" button on my laptop, I pray with gratitude and ask God for guidance and his will for today. My well-worn Bible opens to Psalms 116, and my eyes drop to the 1st circled verse: "Return unto your rest, O my soul; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you." (vs7) "That’s true," I thought. Here I am, not forced to work. My boyfriend helps me with almost anything I need. The refrigerator and pantry full of the food I love. And my gosh, this bed! It’s so soft. Everything I need is at my fingertips: cell phone, printer, files, medication, heater, stuffed animals, fresh water, soft blankets…" I smile happily, reading on: "For (God) has delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from falling. I will walk before the Lord…" (8+9) That’s for sure. Taking a huge swig of vodka sounded pretty nice the 1st excruciating days in the hospital. But God helped me through. I didn’t drink, and I haven’t abused any medications! "The Lord has chastened me sore: but he has not given me over to death. I will not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord." Psalms 118:18+17. Hmm… sure felt like death for a while there! Breaking my femur in 2 places by being thrown like a rag doll from a dirt bike is no picnic! Sometimes I felt crazy. Sitting and waiting – for everything – sucks! Especially when I’m used to getting myself most anything I want when I want it. But by staying positive instead of fearing that God was mad at me, or "out to get me," I’ve been able to gain a lot from my pain and suffering. The best thing I learned is about time, (no put intended). Time is usually my worst enemy. There’s never enough of it, and so much to be done I stress out. But this month, however, work and time obsession took a back seat to rest, prayer, meditation, and friends. There are some awesome people in my life that I’ve seen a whole new side of! Why didn’t I notice them before? How could I miss out on such cool experiences? "When I die," I thought, "I’m not gonna care how many websites I created, or how much my business is worth. What’s really going to matter is how much quality time I’ve spent with God and my friends." The acquaintances I had are now new friends. And it’s O.K. to spend time with them! I can meditate and enjoy God without worrying about my world falling apart or my new business collapsing. What a sweet thought! Too bad it took a broken leg to learn that. Thank you, Lord. Love, Boo |
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THREE GUYS NARROWLY ESCAPE DEATH: The story of Shadrach Meshach & Abednago escaping the FIERY FURNACE! It all started back when this kid named Daniel and his 3 homies, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego decided to follow the Lord. They were in this group of teens picked by King Nebuchadnezzar (Neb) to be taught and instructed for 3 years so he could choose the best and smartest ones of them to serve in his kingdom. (Daniel 1:4-7)
The Lord blessed these guys big-time for putting Him first, and after 3 years, the king (we’ll just call him Neb) picked them out of the whole line-up of strong young men. They were tested, and turned out 10 times smarter than all the other guys! (Dan. 1:19+20) They had special skills, and Daniel even knew how to figure out what dreams and visions meant. (how cool is that). (Dan. 1:17) "I want these guys to serve me!" Neb decided.
Time passed, and everything was going cool. But eventually, Neb had a dream that no one could interpret but Daniel. Neb saw how the Lord worked through Dan and made him a great man. "It is true that your God is a God of gods, a Lord of kings and a revealer of secrets, seeing that you could reveal this secret." Neb told Daniel. He gave him all kinds of gifts and made him ruler over all of Babylon and the chief of the governors over all the wise men. He was the top dog! And Dan chose his friends Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to work with him. So they all got to work, hang out, and pray together. (Dan. 2:45-49)
But it wasn’t long before Neb forgot all about how great God is and built a huge image of gold. He told everyone, "Whoever does not bow down and worship this statue will be thrown into a fiery furnace and burned alive!" (Dan. 3:6) At this time, Shad, Mesh and Abed were living in Babylon, and when the rulers found out they wouldn’t bow to a false God, they narced on them! "Hey, king, did you know that those freaks you thought were so smart and strong won’t bow down to your image?" The king was so pissed, he had them brought before him.
"Look, I may have hand-pick you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to obey my orders. I’m the boss! Who do you guys think you are?" he stormed. "I told you I’m going to burn you alive if you don’t worship the image! Who is that God that you think will deliver you out of my hands?" "O king, we don’t need to answer your question." They responded. "If it is his will, the God we serve will rescue us from the fiery furnace, and deliver us from you. But even if not, we won’t serve your gods or worship that golden image."
The king was so furious, his face got red. "Heat the furnace 7 times hotter than usual - NOW!" he screamed. "Get the strongest weightlifters in the army, tie these fools up, and throw them in the fire!" (Dan 3:14-20) So Shad, Mesh and Abed were bound in all their threads and their baseball caps even, and tossed into the flames. The fire was so freaking hot that the flames killed the army guys that threw them in! Shad, Mesh and Abed fell down bound in the raging fire.
Then the King, who was watching, all pissed of, was astonished, and asked the guards, "Weren’t three men thrown into the fire?" "Yeah, why?" they glanced at him. "But I see four men loose, walking around in the fire, and they’re not hurt! And the fourth one looks like the Son of God!!" The guard’s mouth dropped as they turned to check out the strange scene. The king came closer to the furnace and yelled to the guys, "You servants of the most high God, come out of there!" His heart pounded in his chest.
They walked out of the furnace, and everyone stared at them in shock. The fire had no power over them at all! Not even a hair on their head was singed, and their clothes didn’t even smell like smoke! (Dan 3:27) (If you’ve ever been around someone smoking and had to wash your clothes afterward to get rid of the smell, you can imagine how amazing that is!) The king’s voice was full of awe. "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who sent his angel and saved his servants that trusted in him, and have even changed MY word, these men who risked their own bodies so that they didn’t have to serve any god but their own!" "Today I make a decree that any people, nation and language who speaks anything against their God will be cut in pieces and their house will be made into a dung-hill." (Dung = Poop) "Because there is no other God that can deliver like this!"
Then he turned to the 3 guys and shook his head in amazement. "From now on, you guys are promoted." (Dan 3:30) THE MORE FAITH YOU HAVE, THE MORE POWER YOU HAVE. PRACTICE YOUR FAITH MUSCLES. IT MAY BE SCARY, BUT IT PAYS OFF - BIGTIME! |
